Friday, December 28, 2007

Going to New York!


So here we are, sitting in the airport waiting for our flight to depart! Bettina, Herb and I are all packed, Amelia, who does not like goodbyes, reluctantly brought me to the airport, said goodbye and hurriedly left after wishing us well.  We have a little bit of a wait, so we decided to play online and take pictures, yay! We are very excited and can't wait to get there! Freezing cold, here we come!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Little Street

THE WORLD AS IT IS.

Show it all, calmly and indifferently, like an outsider who does not share humanity's feelings or prejudices and can see it all "from the side." Show all the filth, stupidity, and horror of the world, along with that which is supposed to atone for it. Show how insignificant, petty, and miserable the "good" in the world is, compared to the real horror it masks. Do not paint one side of the world, the polite side, and be silent about the rest; paint a real picture of the whole, good and bad at once, the "good" looking more horrid than the bad when seen together with the things it tolerates. Men see only one part of life at a time, the part they have before their eyes at the moment. SHOW THEM THE WHOLE.

SHOW THEM THAT HUMANITY IS PETTY. That it's small. That it's dumb, with the heavy, hopeless stupidity of a man born feeble-minded, who does not understand, because he cannot understand, because he hasn't the capacity to understand; like a man born blind, who cannot see, because he has no organ for seeing.

Show that the world is monstrously hypocritical. That HUMANITY HAS NO CONVICTIONS OF ANY KIND. That it does not know how to believe anything. That it has never believed consistently and does not know how to be true to any idea or ideal. That ALL THE "HIGH" WORDS OF THE WORLD ARE A MONSTROUS LIE. That nobody believes in anything:high: and nobody wants to believe. That one cannot believe one thing and do another, for such a belief isn't worth a nickel. And that's what humanity is doing. 

Show THAT HUMANITY IS UTTERLY ILLOGICAL, like an animal that cannot connect together the things it observes. Man realizes and connects much more than an animal, but who can declare that his ability to connect things is perfect? The future, higher type of man will have to perfect just this ability (to achieve) the clear vision. A clear mind sees things AND the connections between them. Humanity is stumbling helplessly in a chaos of inconsistent ideas, actions, and feelings that can't be put together, without even realizing the contradictions between them or their ultimate logical results 

A perfect, clear understanding also means FEELING. It isn't enough to realize a thing is true. The realization must be so clear that one FEELS this truth. For men act on feelings, not on thoughts. Every thought should be part of yourself, your body, your nature and every part of your nature should be a thought. Every feeling - a thought - a feeling.

Show the silent terror that is life at present, the silent terror that hangs over us, chokes us, that everybody feels and nobody can define, the nameless thing that is the atmosphere of humanity. 

Show that the mob determines life at present and SHOW EXACTLY WHO AND WHAT THE MOB IS. Show the things it breaks, the precious enemies that it ruins. Show that all humanity and each little citizen is an octopus that consciously and unconsciously sucks the blood of the best on earth and strangles life with its cold, sticky tentacles.

Show that THE WORLD IS NOTHING BUT A LITTLE STREET. That this little street is its kind and master, its essence and spirit. Show the little street and how it works.

RELIGION: show what it means when thought out consistently; what it does to man; who needs it; who defends it with all the ferocious despotism of a small, ambitious nature. The great poison of mankind.

MORALS (as connected with religion); the real reason for all hypocrisy. The wrecking of man by teaching him ideals that are contrary to his nature; ideals he has to accept as his highest ambition, even though they are organically hateful and repulsive to him. And when he can't doubt them, he doubts himself. He becomes low, sinful, imperfect in his own eyes; he does not aspire to anything high, when he knows that the high is inaccessible and alien to him. Humanity's morals and ideals, its ideology, are the greatest of its crimes.

COMMUNISM, DEMOCRACY, SOCIALISM are the logical results of present day humanity. The nameless horror (of these systems), both in their logical end and in the unconscious way that they are already rule mankind.

FAMILY-LIFE: the glorification of mediocrity. Elevating the "everyday" little man's existence into the highest ideal for mankind. 

Show that humanity has and wants to have: existence instead of life, satisfaction instead of joy, contentment instead of happiness, security instead of power, vanity instead of pride, attachment instead of love, wish instead of will, yearning instead of passion, a glow-worm instead of a fire.

All the "realistic" books have shown the bad side of life, and as good, have shown the good of today. They have denounced that which is accepted as bad and set up as a relief or example that which is accepted as good. I want to show that there is no good at present, that the "good" as it is now understood is worse than the bad, that it is only the result, the skin over a rotten inside that rules and determines it. I want to show that all the conceptions of the "good" all the high ideals, have to be changed, for now they are nothing but puppets, slaves and accomplices to the horrible (stifling) of life. There are too many things that people just tolerate and don't talk about.

Show them that IT CAN'T BE TOLERATED, FOR ALL THEIR LIFE IS A ROTTEN SWAMP, A SEWER, A DUMPING PLACE FOR MORE FILTH THAN THEY CAN EVER REALIZE. 

Show that the real God behind all their high words and sentiments, the real omnipotent power behind their culture and civilization, is THE LITTLE STREET, just a small, filthy, shabby, common LITTLE street, such as exists around the center of eery town in the world. 

Show them the real, one and only horror - THE HORROR OF MEDIOCRITY.

-AYN RAND

The absence of love

I once believed myself to be above the fear of love. Thinking, no, I am not afraid at all. That would be dumb. Who is afraid of love? Well, it turns out that person would be me. Funny how things work out. But I realized am not so much afraid of the idea of having love, although I am quite frightened of that. It is more that I am afraid ... terrified really, of the absence of love. 
My life is centered around love. It always has been. I live to love. I have always followed my heart. Listening to it, letting it take me wherever it deems worthy, without questioning it at all. And with that, I have fallen in love with so many things. People, places, things, animals, concepts, ideas, ways of life, religion, cultures and worlds. And I am afraid of what would happen if that love left. 
I am afraid of the empty shell that I would become once my love was taken away. I felt it once. For awhile actually.  And I hated it. Despised the very essence of its inhumanness. It has since departed. And for that I am eternally grateful. But I noticed recently, that a close friend of mine, is the exact opposite of me. They, unlike me, are afraid of the existence of love. 
They are afraid of what their love will do to them. Who it will make them. They do not want to keep people or things too close, for fear of it hurting them or they in turn hurting others. And here I am, not caring if it hurts me along the way. Just as long as I have it, I will do anything to keep it. They however, will do anything to push it away. Even if they know deep down, they want it. They cannot possibly allow it. In a strange way, we still work. Each being afraid of the other's love in our own way. Both afraid of what would happen if one or both of us changed. 
How odd our ways of thinking are. Something as beautiful and pure as love scares us from life, from living the best life we can. Perhaps one day we will have our wrinkles ironed out. Perhaps not. But I always like to look for the positive, hoping that tomorrow will be better than today. Sure our views on love may be skewed. But it is who we are. And who God created us to be. 
There is a method to our madness, we just need time and more life experience to figure it out.